Looking through some old documents I found some of the poems I wrote several years ago as the character Namida in a game called Castle Marrach. She was hopelessly in love, rather dramatic, naive and devious at the same time. Lots of passion and a dreamer with a capital D. Below are some of the poems she wrote during her years alive. She wrote many more, but most got sent to other characters in the game and as such I no longer have them. I unfortunately don't have any dates on them, but they were written between 2002 and 2005.
Namida became a liked and deeply involved character in the game, writing many books and poems. Later poems, especially during 2004 became deeper and more adult as she experienced love and betrayal, intrigue and mystery, anger and hate. I hope I'll be able to find these again.
I write that the poems were written by Namida. I played the character and like any good actor, became the character while I played. It was her feelings and thoughts, her actions and reactions which brought the poems to light. Without her experiences and emotions I wouldn't have written them. As is the nature of roleplaying, much of what happened to her and how she reacted were reflections and symptoms of how my real life was going too and how I felt on many different levels, hence the poems become interesting mirrors of me at the time.
Waiting
I am waiting for you
The shy smiling person
That showed me around my first day
You said you where my friend
But you haven't responded
To any of my messages
Where are you
My friend
I miss you
I wander alone
Through dark halls
Smiling at people
But hiding my sad feelings
My friend
You kissed my hand
You gave me a red flower
Where are you now
I am waiting for you
Longing to see you
Wanting to share my life with you
Did you leave me once again
My friend
I am waiting
This was the first poem written in the game and by my character back in November 2002 when her first friend just disappeared and I lost contact with the player who introduced me to the game. The following poems are all from her early days.
Impressions
I wander round these halls
Shy and smiling
Awaiting something to happen
Awaiting my destiny
I smile at you
Curtsy delightedly
Waiting for your response
A demon strikes
Hurting you
And my heart bleeds for you
Standing helpless
Can only try to comfort
Give you a smile
And give you a flower
What am I
If not just another victim
Of this place
Love
The love long is gone
It flew away in the wind
Left me alone
Not coming back to me
I wander alone
Seeking you forever
Knowing that
I will never find you
You are lost my love
Forever out of my grasp
You left me
Cutting our bonds
You choose another path
Leaving me behind
I choose my path
Fulfilling my destiny
I wander alone
Knowing I will not find true love
Never will my heart be full
Because you are alone
I will never find love
True love left me long ago
I'm forever doomed
To wander around alone
I might find happiness
I might find caring feelings
But never will my heart be
Filled with everlasting love
A smile and a laugh
A meeting between two friends
Getting to know each other
We will meet
When faith pulls us together
Be patient my friend
Nothing comes from nothing
Thou are lucky
To find love so readily
Waiting for Thou
Happiness in Thy quest
Dreams do come true
Yours are the path to follow
Mine goes another way
Love washes over me
Like a tidal wave
Drenching me to the bone
Leaving me fatigued
Looking out the ocean
Seeing a wave ride by
Leaving me here alone
On a dry and barren beach
I was hoping to see you
But you never showed
I miss your company
And hope to see you soon
Lonely I wander
Around these halls
Hoping to see
Someone to love
Dreams follow me around
Memories trying to drown me
Feelings wash over me
Love never drowns
Give me my life
Bring it back to me
My love, why did you leave
You left me all alone
Give love back to me
Bring me my dreams
Let me be ever happy
And forget this loneliness
Looking for love
Hoping to find
Find what was lost to me
So long ago
A look
A shy smile
The sun shines
Nothing will be the same
Is he here
The one I lost?
Am I forever doomed
To wander alone?
Does that smile belong
Is he the same
Allow me my love
Give me my happiness
I am longing
To fill the empty hole
Something happened
A spark of magic
Whispering in the wind
Tears of Love
Through star and void
Flows thoughts and feelings
Dreams fly up
Reaching for the sky
Trying Love once more.
Dreaming at night
Seeing you in the bright light
Wandering towards you
Hoping to find
Waking in emptiness
Missing you once more
The void is empty
Seeking true Love
Your words warm my heart
Makes my voice tremble
Butterflies fly
Over windy peaks
Stars whirls
Moons dances
Eyes sees hope again
Love penetrate the cold
Dreams might yet come tru
Love is a dream come true
It will forever fly
Stars pass by
Making joy live fullest in my heart
The above poems is the first 16 poems that were published by Namida in the game and as such from the first half year or less of playing, which means 2002 and early 2003. She was alone and seeking love, lost and confused, and I think it rather clearly reflects how I felt at the time, fleeing into a world of fantasy and romance to avoid dealing with a marriage which was abusive and a life feeling rather lonely. Playing the character Namida allowed me to explore different human relations and realize that I could be liked and respected as a person as she was an ideal version of myself.
The following 7 were from another book she wrote during 2003 as part of a language project.
Shooting star
Blazing over the sky
A trail of stardust
Shimmers over the sky
Bringing message of the future
Love, hope and devotion
Strengths to our hearts
A star over the sky
Gives hope to young and old
Friendship
To be cherished above all
Gives you hope and light high
Holds you when you need it
Never letting you go
Tender embrace soothes the broken heart
Gives strength to those in pain
Always there whenever in need
Friendship forever will be
Love
Tender embrace
Holding you tight
Love grows
Bringing you light
Snow falls from winter sky
In the silent night
Warm is the sense of love
That you can not fight
Daughter
A silent look
A gesture of surprise
Tender was the smile
Bringing one home
A recognition
Days filled with happiness
Smiles and love
That is my daughter
Sham
Amusement you bring
To low and to king
Smiles you give
To make us live
You bring happiness
You bring merriness
Without you around
All would be too sound
Thank you for being here
You are truly dear
Nothing can compare
You are very rare
Snow
Silently it falls
Snow to the ground
Covers all about
Hides what was hurt
Beautifully it falls
Glistering like diamonds
Making me wonder
If anything is precious
Love gives all
Reason to live
Reason to give
Keeps you sane
Gives you more
Gently it is
Doing what it must
These following two poems are likely written in 2005.
Paths
The sun shines over a lonely path
Two travellers meet on a cross-road
Smilingly they dance together
Feeling a wonder of something special
Longing to see those eyes again
Longing to sense that smile once more
A healing has begun this day
That will bring happiness in the sunshine
Time to close the chapter of the past
Time to open the book on a new page
Leaving behind what was of wounds and hurts
Opening the new path for two to be shared
The dance
The dance continues
Sometimes filled
With streaks of darkness
A pain lingers still
Can it be taken away
Your eyes sparkle
With a light so bright
Shines upon my path
Eases my pain so easily
Wonders how
The dance continues
Shedding light
Guiding a new path
Filling me with hope
Can the pain be taken away
The Walls have ears and eyes
The cats are said to be spies
Friends or foes
Can you tell who in the shadow goes
Nothing is ever as it appears
Loves that will end in tears
Who will in the shadows hide
One on your side or the other side
Friends turn foes, foes turn friends
Who will be able to tell how it all ends
Darkness covers
Embraces you in it's
Tender embraces
Timeless love
Forever together
Never alone
Tender embraces
Kisses in the night
Love
I love you
And you love me
That's humanity
That's how humans are
That's what keeps them alive
I love you
And I wish that I had met you earlier
You are a part of my life
And you always will
How can I show you
How much I love you
What can I do
Tell me
And I'll learn how to love
I'll kiss you
And then I'll miss you
I promise
I'll fight
I'll fight for my love and life
I won't let you down
Because I love you
I want you
I need you
I love you
Stay with me and you wont regret
I love you
Angels fly and devils fall
Stars swirl around dark holes
Fatally attracted, falling in
What will it be
For the lonely angelic star
Shining upon the part of gentleness
What can I say
Waiting every day
For you to appear
To take away my fear
Never do I see you
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