Blue Flower in Fall

Blue Flower in Fall

The background was painted long ago, some remaining colours from a project I would assume and I being in the mood to just work with colours and not form. It's been lying around for ages, not finished, but not knowing what to do with it. My latest notion of painting abstract flowers seemed to go well with the background, creating contrast and life to an else dull and boring painting. I still need to figure out how good the result is. The idea is sound though.
ps: the background doesn't come to its full rights on the photo unfortunately.

Dance in the sky

Slowly I rise, higher and higher
Holding your hand, closely into the sky we fly
Merging as one in a celestial dance among distant lights
Twirling together, rising upwards and up to the harmony of heavens

Surrounded by golden light
Brought together by power
Now we swirl, now we dance
Faster and slower, as a unity
Our lips meet in a tender kiss

Upon the highest note of music divine does our dance come to a stop
Joined as one, complementary beings of love and delight
Gazing into your eyes, accepting all you are
Finally we merge as partners true

Harleqin

Harleqin

It's a project that's been under way for several days, ever since I finished the last painting. I'm not really sure if I like it or not. Something is wrong.

Purple flower 2

Purple flower 2

Another inspired painting, seems like I'm on a theme now. Took me about 3 hours again to paint.

Purple flower

Purple flower

A painting dedicated to Shane. He knows what it's about. It took me about three hours to draw and paint and is the first painting I've done fully in open air.

Daydream

Pictures flashing before my inner eye
Seeing you before me, a scene is set

Standing arm in arm, side by side with you
Gazing over the ocean where waves foam
Slowly the sun is sinking in a fiery display
Casting light over a beach far below us

Hoarsely the seagulls cry out for the night
Sailing upon the strong winds high above
Clouds roll in from afar promising rain tonight
Wind in my hair whipping it into my eyes

Protectively you draw me closely to your side
Shielding us from the beautiful storm coming
He welcomes the night with a kick from inside
My head is against your shoulder and I smile

Content I watch us stand there on the cliff
As the dream images slowly dissolve

Life purpose

The purpose of our lives is a thing that haunts many of us for a long while. We feel there is more to things, that there is a meaning to it all, and we desperately try to find that meaning.

Many search all life and will never find it. Some find it without hardly trying, just walking their path naturally. Some are not even aware of those mechanisms, but find the path anyway. Some of us stand right before the path and can't see it. We have made ourselves blind to the obvious.

When we open to ourselves and our own wisdom and knowledge, and keep open to what is being shown to us, the people we speak to, let our intuition have a say, then we can suddenly find our life purpose in the most odd places. Or from our own mouths in a conversation with a friend.

For others can't tell us what our purpose is. It is not their place to do so. Only we can find it, though the aid of others can certainly kick us when we need it and make us realize and see things.

Another good friend of mine was listening to my rantings the other day and during that conversation I said, very heartfelt and urgent:

"I want to be important to people, I want to make a difference, I want to influence people's lives and be somebody. I want to touch a lot of people and affect their lives and change it for the better."

Later, thinking back on that conversation, I realize that I've been speaking some of my innermost feelings and desires, that I've finally started to voice what it is I want to be my purpose in life, what it is I have the drive and urge to do. I just never dared say such, I never dared get my hopes up.

Life purposes, a topic that's hard to truly understand and learn about. It's hard to to define vague feelings and dreams into something concrete and real.

Thanks Shane, for helping me voice my purpose.

Get your hopes up.

"Not really doubting yourself. But not believing in yourself either. Like you don't want to get your hopes up."

A friend said this to me last night and it just hit home and rang so true.
"You don't want to get your hopes up."
It is true. I don't want to get my hopes up.
It's scary, it's dangerous, it's painful.
All due to past conditioning where I've been proven over and over (by myself and my own behaviours), that there's no point to getting my hopes up because there will always be failure, there'll always be a price that hurts, that it is not possible anyway.

I am so grateful that he pointed it out to me, because it gave me a lot of food for thought.
A lot of food for thought certainly. An opening, a door which I have to walk through. A door which is enlightenment and a path that is healing.

A path where I know that I have broken and can break my behaviours and self-destructive manners. A path where I know I am strong and capable. A path where I know I am a different person.

I just need to trust myself. I need to learn to trust myself. I need to decide to trust myself. Yes, that's the most essential.
I need to decide I can trust myself.
Because I have broken all these things from the past. I have changed my behaviours. I know and recognize them when they happen and can act against it and change what I am about to do.
I just need to trust myself to do it.
And once I trust myself to do it. I know my goals and dreams and hopes can come true. I know things are possible without failure or pain.
I can get my hopes up for the future.
And then I can believe in myself fully.

The door of enlightenment, opened by a dear caring friend saying: "It's like you don't want to get your hopes up."

Now I stand in the doorway and face the path before me. It will be an interesting walk and scary as well. I hope I can stay on it this time and not stray aside.

Thank you, Evan.